Back in Black

I haven't been hanging out here too much.

I miss S a lot, so much it hurts like that phantom ache you supposedly get when you lose a limb. He mattered that much to me.

Bound is bound, he would say. And so it is.

I'm gonna be okay. But I don't have to enjoy the trip from quivering, aching, senseless pile to okay.

For the record, I would do it all over again. Every last bit. I didn't get to keep it, but I had love.

Lexapro Diaries - Day 6

Day 6- No tears today!

Awful anxiety about going to work, but it was okay once I got there.

Nothing much, really. I had 2.5 beers after work, at home, as a little Saturday treat. I don't know if that affects anything, but beer NEVER makes me cry, haha.

Gratitude - Day 8

Today I am grateful:

~For having a good night at work and making a good amount of money.

~For getting to work safe and sound.

~To be scheduled enough shifts this week.

~For getting paid.

~For that delicious exhaustion that comes from working hard.

See a theme here tonight? I'm tired, too tired to really stretch, plus no kidlettes and I didn't do anything before I went to work but read and write a bit.

I Don't Want To Go To Work

And this is why. There are at least eight inches of heavy, wet, slushy, slippery snow on the ground, and ruining all of our beautiful spring foliage. I can't stand driving in this. I also don't believe in risking one's life to get to work, but I guess I must go.

Lexapro Diaries - Day 5

Day 5 - Cry, cry, cry. That's all I did yesterday.

And had a full blown panic attack, when trying to drive in the blizzard to get my munchkins. Heart pounding, cold sweat dripping down my armpits, shooting pain in my arm. Fucking snow.

Gratitude - Day 7

I am grateful today!

~It snowed literally all day, big, fat, wet, heavy flakes, but I stayed home all day, but for an aborted attempt to get munchkins from school. It was snowing too hard to see anything, so I had to call their dad and ask him to do it. He wasn't happy, but he did. I was so grateful to just not have to try to be anywhere in the mess the weather was.

~I made a huge pot of black beans in the Crock Pot this morning, so it was all ready to eat whenever we were. Just made some rice and salad, and we were set. So easy!

~I ordered a tarot deck that has been on my wish list since I began to love tarot, at a very reduced price. The Haindl will be mine soon!

~I began reading a fantasy novel that I have somehow missed before, The Dragonbone Chair, by Tad Williams. I also read on Patrick Rothfuss' blog that he has finished his second in the series I became so attached to last year, The Wise Man's Fear. I love books. I love the way words string together to make something new.

~I had a dream that I broke my glasses. I can ill afford to replace my glasses, so I was VERY glad that it did not actually happen!

Shame

I just devoured a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, even though I was not really hungry and I have no memory of what it tasted like. Sometimes I just don't feel like I can ever get full.